Donald Trump for Pope

Man with hat shaped like a penis and an imaginary friend picks fight with man with hair shaped like a badger and an imaginary brain.

Pope Donald


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The Origins of the Universe

Here is my latest video on, ‘The Origins of the Universe’.

Hang on tight.

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Print Your Own Money

Strapped for cash? Just print some more money. That’s what banks do. In fact they don’t even bother to print it, they just make it up in cyber space and then lend it to people like you and me but demand that we pay it back with labour and goods. They know they can always borrow it from another bank that has also made it up, but they won’t be responsible. It will be the other bank that is responsible. That’s what all banks believe.

Every now and then, someone panics and points out that nearly all of the money in the system has been made up by banks who are borrowing it from other banks which have also made it up. Then all the banks panic at once and starting bleating and squealing until the governments step in.

The governments now make up loads more imaginary money and give it to the banks who give it to their favourite employees who are ‘special’. But we are ‘all’ in it together.

The governments have to get the money from somewhere but the banks will not lend them the money that the banks received from the government because they are special too. So the governments tell everyone (apart from the bankers and the banks) that they will have to work longer hours for less money and provide extra goods and services with fewer rewards so that the banks can be saved so that ‘everyone’ will be alright.

Eventually things get a little bit better although most people find they have a lot less money, their pensions have disappeared and their savings, if they ever had any, have gone missing too. They also find that they have to work a lot harder but a few people do pretty well out of it. Mostly bankers. But only the special bankers. Not the ones who work in branches.

Then the banks find something they call ‘confidence’ which is also made up and they start making up more money and so the cycle goes on.

With each turn of the cycle the wealth gap between the ‘special people’ and everyone else gets bigger, but that is because of something called the free market which allows all the least scrupulous, superficially intelligent people (these are people called ‘bankers’) to obtain a monopoly on wealth. The market is totally free providing you have the vast sums of money required to take advantage of the market. The rest of us just have to go sit on spike and whistle.

A lot of well meaning, industrious and committed human beings go on working really hard and just occasionally they make enough money to do something useful in the world besides exist. Some of them do useful things and some of them become ‘bankers’. As Paul McKenna says, people who become rich do not really change positively or negatively simply as a consequence of having money. Their ‘wealth’ simply exaggerates what was already there. If someone is a ‘total banker’, when they get rich they just become a bigger ‘total banker’.

This blog post is sponsored by ‘BorrowLoadsaMoney’, payday loans for all the family. Interest rates may vary, but only upwards. 12,374% APR. For terms and conditions go to an inaccessible website and try to read the 47 pages of legalistic bullsh*t with a magnifying glass before accepting the inevitable conclusion.

You’re f*cked.

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The Killing of Sadmad Hasbeenman

A tale from the river bank.

Once upon a time there was a big family of otters who controlled a large section of the river. They were called the ‘Big Otters’ because they had so much land and controlled the largest section of the river. There were other otters, but Continue reading

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Buyer Bee Wary, Buyer Bee Remorse, Buyer Bee Gone!

Once upon a time there was a bee called HappyBee who lived in a pleasant semi-detached beehive in the middle of a big Would. He would have gone out more but the Would was full of Would-bees who hassled him quite a lot, selling shiny, insubstantial and illusory dreams. One day a Would-bee called Sellafield came up to the hive and offered HappyBee some special dark glasses Continue reading

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The Optimum Moustache Theory and the Ionisation of Behaviour

I want to keep this simple…. because it is.

There is no such thing as a recession. One may recede although it is more usual for a tide to recede. People recede from economic activity (trading things with one another) because other people recede from economic activity and there is a basic phenomenon in psychology called social proof. In the absence of any evidence Continue reading

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All Quiet on the Western Front

Luciano del Chiesa von Boscombe Seafront was a-ffronted inasmuch as he had a front which showed him little or no respect.  The A front, (which he feels is paradoxically also his Seafront, which he sometimes refers to as his C Front in order to distinguish it from his A front (i.e. his seafront), although frankly I believe this to be an unnecessary distinction as it is the seafront which he feels Continue reading

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