The Bastard Bus

The Bastard Bus

The ‘BASTARD’ she said and wished he was dead
It’s once too often
That’s it… the shit
Over and done with
The fuckwit, the tit
Arse, she declared
Fares please he replied

On the bastard bus you can express how you feel
You can cuss and blaspheme and blather with zeal
The fare is fixed, no drinks and no meal
It’s the ride that you get, that’s the crack, that’s the deal

You’ll never guess what the bastards have done now!
The bastards!
They never did
What bastards
What bastards
Fares please

All bastards alighting at Bastard bus station
Must show their passes of bastardisation

Oh fuck, oh shit I forgot my pass…
No bus pass no bastard no seat for your arse
You bastard
That’s extra, that’s double…
What double !?!
Yes double…
What double the fare?
You bastard!
Stop that right now!
You get off right here!

Evicted with nowhere left to go
Expelled from the bus for the emotionally slow
She stood and she seethed
She tensed and she boiled
Then proclaimed to the world that the bus seats were soiled
‘You bus from hell you smell like a dog
Crossed with a pestilent, long since dead frog.’

But the bus had gone… and left all alone
She sputtered and spattered and dragged herself home
To find that her husband was not on his own…

You BASTARD ! she said
It was only his Mum Come round for tea and a slice of fruit cake the size of a small town in Carmarthenshire